'They're losing their free help': Aunt and uncle expect their adopted 19-year-old niece to be the unofficial caregiver for troubled foster kids, so she moves out

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Jul 25, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Taking on the responsibility of troubled youths is an act of kindness that'll never be forgotten—especially if you're the teenage niece who's expected to take care of all of the foster kids coming through your adopted parents' household. Hmm, something about this parenting dynamic seems topsy-turvy, but to u/Key_Comfortable6769, a 19-year-old girl who was legally adopted by her aunt and uncle, there was never any sense of "normalcy" in her family life. 

At least now she's able to set boundaries and take control of her own life, even if it means setting ablaze a bridge between the people who once cherished her like they cherish the foster kids.

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    via Alex Potemkin

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Being orphaned at a young age can seriously derail your life's trajectory. However, sometimes life throws you a bone, and some adult comes into your life as your new parent figure. Adoption is an underrated good deed, though, and kids who have been taken under another person's wing tend to overlook the sacrifices required. 

    But when your adopted parents start turning you into their adoptee's parental figure, the scales of sacrifices become extremely unbalanced. 

  • AITA for moving out of my uncle's house when he announced another foster placement?
    via Key_Comfortable6769
  • I've been living with my uncle and his wife since I was 8 (I'm 19f now). My parents d d in a car accident and my uncle took me in. When I was 14, they started fostering kids because they said they wanted to help children like they helped me. In the five years since then they've had eight different foster kids come through, usually 2-3 at a time.
    via Key_Comfortable6769
  • My uncle and his wife mean well but they have no clue how to handle troubled kids. The foster children have serious behavioral issues - they steal food and hoard it in their rooms until it rots, they smear things on the walls,
    via Key_Comfortable6769
  • destroy furniture when they're upset, and have violent outbursts. One kid punched holes in every door upstairs. Another one threw a chair through the living room window during a tantrum.
    via Key_Comfortable6769
  • The worst part is that my uncle and his wife always make me the unofficial caretaker. When they brought in two little ones last year, they moved them into my room instead of setting up the spare room properly, and I had to help
    via Key_Comfortable6769
  • with night terrors, bedwetting, and basically parenting duties. They're constantly asking me to watch the kids when they go out or deal with crisis situations because "you're so good with them."
    via Key_Comfortable6769
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    via yacobchuk

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Last month when my uncle announced they were approved for two more placements - siblings with "significant trauma backgrounds" - I'd had enough. I called my best friend whose family has always treated me like their own
    via Key_Comfortable6769
  • daughter and begged them to let me move in. They were shocked when I explained everything and immediately said yes. I packed my important documents and belongings and left that same day.
    via Key_Comfortable6769
  • My uncle and his wife are furious because they're losing their free help and because I didn't discuss it with them first. My friend's parents had to deal with angry calls, and now my uncle is threatening to report them for "interfering with a family situation."
    via Key_Comfortable6769
  • eowynsheiress You are an adult. Your uncle and aunt can't do anything about where you live. If they keep up the harassment of the family that took you in, encourage the family to press charges of harassment and get protection orders for all of you.
    via eowynsheiress
  • Your aunt and uncle may have had good intentions, but it is not enough. They are out of line and not doing anyone any favors, especially you. You are NTA. Protect yourself and start planning your future independence.
    via eowynsheiress
  • grayblue_grrl · As a 19 year old, you are a fully grown adult and can make decisions for yourself. You might want to inform CPS or whoever places children with them, that your aunt and uncle have been using you as slave labour to mind the children for all these years. For the children's sake. They want the money....
    via grayblue_grrl
  • Smitrang Report them for what? Your uncle and his wife not only don't know how to take care of troubled kids but also don't know how to threaten lol. You're an adult and you can move wherever you wish, they cannot report anything. If at all the police show up, you could just say it was your decision and your uncle and his wife cannot do anything.
    via Smitrang
  • Srvntgrrl_789 NTA. I'm glad you left. Also, your uncle is delulu if he thinks he can report your friends family. You're an adult. I suspect they'll miss the paychecks they receive for the foster placements.
    via Srvntgrrl_789
  • Goidelic NTA this is crazy. You say your uncle means well, and he might even convince himself of that, but cramming needy kids into the place with no support is evil, frankly, and bottom line, he's doing it for the money. He might be making a martyr of himself, but he's not doing it for free. You were though.
    via Goidelic
  • TALKTOME0701 ⚫ LOL Interfering in a family situation is not a crime. If it were all of Reddit would be in jail NTA. Tell them you appreciate what they did for you and respect that they want to do that for other kids, but it's time for you to move on.
    via TALKTOME0701

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